


Strange and Beautiful

by Jennifer-Oksana (JenniferOksana)



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4920103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferOksana/pseuds/Jennifer-Oksana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've been watchin' your world from afar; I've been tryin' to be where you are...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange and Beautiful

Addison’s this perfect thing, this nearly perfect person who is leaning into Alex with the stink of neat bourbon and expensive make-up and medical-grade disinfectant underneath it all, maybe a hint of a sneaked cigarette.

Alex doesn’t get how she doesn’t understand that she’s perfect. It took him a while, but Alex hasn’t been accused of being the smart guy when it comes to women, like, ever. He fucked it all up with Izzie, like, monster fucked it up, and then there was Denny and there’s always been O’Malley and his best guy friend ever thing, and basically, him and Izzie are good and over. Him and Olivia were a clusterfuck from the words, “hey, wanna get a drink?” and O’Malley beating his ass for the syphilis still sticks in Alex’s head.

But Addison’s not stupid. That’s part of why she’s perfect, that she’s not stupid and it kind of kills Alex that she’s kissing him because she was all alone.

She shouldn’t be alone. Alex? Sure, maybe sometimes he gets exactly what he deserves, because he’s been a dickweed more than his fair share, but Addison isn’t a dickweed and just today, he helped her keep another kid fighting for her life. Every day, Addison gives someone the chance to have a life, fucked-up or not, and Alex has to believe that counts for something.

Plus she’s the hottest fucking thing he’s ever felt pressed up against his cock, even clinging and not-quite-sure she’s gonna do it.

“Hey,” he says when she pulls away for air. “You sure you’re okay?”

“No, I’m all fucked up,” Addison admits, smiling wryly. “But you know that, don’t you, Karev?”

He does. He hates it, but he does.

“Am I helping or making it worse?” Alex asks, trying not to look at her like the guy who wants to sweep her off her feet and kick the bad guys in the nards. He’s not that guy. Alex Karev has never wanted to be the white knight; it just isn’t his deal.

But when Addison looks sad, with those eyes of hers, and the way they just look so far away, Alex thinks that he could totally poison Sloan’s latte, or maybe figure out someone to give the bastard the syph.

“Both,” she says, pushing her hair back nervously. Alex takes her hand between his, not sure if Addison will dig on that, but whatever, she’s just too much nervous energy.

“Breathe,” Alex says. “Deep breaths.”

Addison sucks in a deep, gulping breath and shudders it out. “I fuck everything up,” she says in a quavering little-girl voice. “I can’t even be the one doctor not fraternizing with an intern.”

“I was starting to feel left out anyway,” says Alex with a careful smile. “Why should the girls get all the fun, huh?”

She laughs, and after a quick embarrassed look away, she smiles. They both do think it’s funny, and Alex keeps holding her hand. Addison doesn’t pull it away, either.

“I have no idea what I’m doing with my life,” Addison says, looking at him and meeting his eyes every so often. “Do you ever feel that way? I thought I knew what I was doing. I was going to be the best neo-natal surgeon in the country, with my brain surgeon husband, and our perfect kids, Ethan and Emily, in our tasteful New York brownstone that would be eventually featured in some magazine — Derek’s mom, she has, y’know, connections. My life was planned. I had friends, I had a career, I had everything and now…”

“Well, shit,” Alex says. “Before you fucked up your life, I was going into plastics. Private practice, chicks begging to ride my dick, money out the ass. Somewhere like LA or Miami, not with all this rain shit. I had my Porsche all picked out, custom leather trim, everything. Now I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, either.”

Addison’s mouth has dropped open. “So I fucked up your life, too?” she asks, tilting her head back and laughing bitterly. “Great. Just fucking great.”

“No, you didn’t fuck up my life,” Alex says, tugging on her hand until Addison looks at him, all big eyes and shakes. “I think you might have saved my life. Before you got involved, I was planning to become a giant asshole. Now I’m not sure. And I hate to tell you, but your perfect life sounds kind of…fake.”

Addison chokes and half-laughs. “So by fucking up my life and chasing my ex-husband and wrecking his closest friendship, I have done one good thing?” she asks. “And what do you mean, fake?”

Alex hides the smile. One of the reasons Addison is perfect is that even when she’s shaky on her feet — and hell, who can blame her, the year she’s had? — she’s got a fighter in her. She looks like the perfect uptight upper-middle-class bitch who belongs in her New York magazine with Ethan and Emily, but she’s _not_ , not really.

“I mean you’re not that person,” Alex says. “I don’t know, I think Shepherd would have bored your ass to death eventually, or you would have become this perfect WASP couple with no passion at all, nothing except just this…perfect shell. I don’t know, when I see you, I don’t see you doing that.”

She regards him weirdly, like she can’t tell if she’s offended or she likes it. “What do you see me doing, Karev?” Addison asks, half-smirking.

“Fuck if I know,” he says. “I just got through telling you I don’t know what the hell. I may still go be in plastics and get my Porsche. Porsches are fucking sweet cars. My dad had one, or maybe he borrowed it once, and he took me up on Mulholland Drive, and the curves were…”

Alex can’t explain, but Addison gets it. She nods, smiling. “You don’t want a Porsche,” she says.

“You don’t want to be perfect,” Alex counters. “Come here.”

She moves into his orbit and Alex kisses her again, and Addison kisses back, a slow, devouring kiss, like his mouth is some new dish she’s got to try. Her hand’s hot against his face and the other one is still in his, but now his other hand is around her waist as they kiss and kiss and kiss.

“You make me feel like I maybe don’t completely suck, the way you look at me,” Addison whispers into his ear.

“I think you don’t suck at all,” says Alex.

“Oh, I definitely suck,” Addison says, and it takes Alex a minute to get that she’s joking and it’s a dirty joke and then she chuckles. “So maybe I saved you, huh?”

“Jury’s still out, but yeah, I think you’ve made a difference,” Alex says, stroking her back with his hand. “Come on. You don’t need to be alone right now.”

She smiles, that lonely-radiant smile that Alex doesn’t get because Addison is far more perfect than he is, and shouldn’t be lonely.

And he still has no idea what happens now, if they go and ball each other’s brains out, if they drink jack and coke on his couch until she pukes and cries herself to sleep. That’s part of the whole Addison experience, that Alex doesn’t know what the hell’s going on.

If he can make that lonely smile go away for an hour, Alex figures that’s all that he needs for tonight.

“Okay,” Addison agrees suddenly, leaning against him and clutching his hand. “Let’s go.”


End file.
